Obedience.

My relationship with the Lord is not based on obedience.  We have a relationship.  A weird relationship, I guess.  I mean, it's not 50/50, and we are not equal.  I don't approach Him as my equal.  He is God, the great I AM, Creator, the Alpha and Omega.  I am simply and humbly, His daughter.  

Yet obedience comes from love.  "If you love me, you will obey my commands." 

The fact is that I love Him, and choose to follow Him.  

I have been called to do something so outside of my comfort zone, and I think I have hives from it.  

Do you remember the rich young ruler in the Bible, when Jesus said to give up your possessions and give to the poor?  But the man walked away.  He chose stuff over Jesus.  Do you remember Zaccheaus?  When he met Jesus, he decided to immediately give half of his possessions to the poor.  Then there is the widow in the temple who gave all that she had to the Lord.

The Lord, through these stories, has turned my life upside down.  We have been trying to teach our kids as the Lord is teaching us, that we are rich.  I grew up "poor".  I accepted it.  I wasn't ashamed.  But I was wrong.  I wasn't poor.  I have never been poor.  I have never been truly hungry.  I have never been truly alone.  I may not have what others around me have, but I have lived disillusioned to think that for any moment that I was poor.

Through His Word, the Lord clearly said to me the other night while at a friend's house, "Sell half of your possessions and give to the poor."  My face still warms up when I remember that moment.  It was followed by, "Next Saturday."  Lord?  One week?  Got it. 

I didn't wrestle with it at that moment.  I was ready.  I was ready because I was in a home where we were intently praying, seeking Jesus, in His Word, and hearing Godly men share with us.  

Wrestling came later.  I'll share some of it soon.

Jared was totally on board.  We prayed and sought how to walk our kids through such a huge, quick change in our lives.  We've read scripture and the book "Ronnie Wilson's Gift" by Francis Chan.  I am too tired and too close to tears to share how that initial moment went when we told our sweet kids that we were going to be selling half of what we own.

As for giving to the poor, we love the ministry of Samaritan's Purse, (you may have heard of Operation Christmas Child) and have their gift catalog.  Their goal is to share the gospel, and we want our gift to have an eternal impact.  My Princess wants to get some chicks for a family, and my Warrior wants to stock a fishing pond for a family.  

One week.  Following isn't always easy.  But I wouldn't want to be anywhere else than walking with my God.

Sufficient Grace

The following post was typed in January of this year.  Do you ever experience something that impacts your heart to such a depth that you are unsure of whether to share it?  My Father speaks to me.  I'm unworthy.  Yes.  But I am His.  So I will treasure every single word.



January 7th, 2011

"My grace is sufficient."  The Lord kept whispering this to me.  I really think that this is where I am right now.

I am so tired of waking up everyday and running a hampster wheel.  Of trying to look and act like I have it all together, when I don't have anything "all together".  It is absolutely overwhelming. 

I was sitting in church yesterday, close to the end of the service, when the sermon prompted this thought:  Has God called me to something great?

This began a conversation with the Lord that went a little like this.

"Something great? Lord, I am unworthy to even be in the same room as you."
"My grace is sufficient."
"But I KEEP messing up"
"My grace is sufficient."
"But I don't deserve it."
"Daughter, it's grace.  It's not deserved.  MY grace is sufficient."

I journaled this conversation with the Lord as it happened, because I feel like I was finally getting to the core of my heart that has been heavy, sick, plagued for a couple of years now.  My words are what I utter to myself daily...without listening for the Lord's truth to penetrate it.  I feel stuck here. 
Now, when I look at the conversation typed out neatly, I know the truths here.  They aren't a revelation to my knowledge of God.  But it is definitely a revelation and revival of my heart. 

I woke up late this morning, messing up my brand new revised homeschool schedule for the semester.  I almost ran into the planned schedule with out pausing with the Lord.  I am so glad that this morning, as I sit and meditate on Him, that I can hear Him whispering to me these words again.  "My grace is sufficient."  And instead of yelling in my heart "BUT I KEEP MESSING UP," I simply whisper it.  Only His Word can rock the thoughts that plague me.  Thank you Lord that you desire to rock my world so that I see you and that you are sufficient. You are all I need.  Your grace is sufficient.

I am His

I am simply His daughter.  There is absolutely nothing special in me except what He has given me.  I am His child, not by my works, but by His grace alone.  The One who created me sent His only Son to this earth, to live, to serve, to die, and defeat the grave.  The Father desires me.  I cannot wrap my mind around this, but my soul knows it's truth.  He desires me so much that He sent His Son so that by faith in the life and ressurection of Christ, my sinfulness has been exchanged for His Son's righteousness.  I am a sinner.  And an imperfect, holy God cannot have communication or fellowship with sin, for that negates His holiness.  But back to the part that He desires me.  And the depth of my soul knows this for His Son paid my price.

When I began thinking of "blogging", I was thinking of what about me would the world want to know.  Who am I?  Well, I am a wife.  I am a mom.  I am a daughter.  A sister.  A friend.  But as much time as some of these roles require, they don't explain the deepest part of my heart, where my true identity lies.  Who I am lies in the great I AM.  And in Him, I am just simply His daughter.  I pray that when the world sees me, they see Him.  For there is nothing flashy about me that would be worth sharing on a "blog".  So, hopefully, you see Him.